Irken Reproduction Report
by Sanoon
Summary: Very few people in the entire world are given such magnificent opportunities as I have. I am a pioneer in a new field. The first of many who will begin research to better mankind. Let me explain.


Very few people in the entire world are given such magnificent opportunities as I have. I am a pioneer in a new field. The first of many who will begin research to better mankind. Let me explain.

A great many nights ago, a proposition was raised among the Swollen Eyeball Network. Many were skeptical, even denying such a plan would be of any benefit or that it went against all moral standards. Now I must admit that as I progressed in my research, I did find this to be somewhat awkward. However, my findings have been extraordinary.

The quest was raised by agent Mothman. Many ignored him, but a few, including myself, were intrigued by his idea. We had a meeting with him later, and as he further explained his idea, almost all of the other members left the meeting. It was myself and two others who remained. By the end of the night, I was the only one left. The dangers associated with this task he had outlined were horrendous. Were I caught on my expedition (which almost happened frequently), I would have been subject to excruciating torture and enslavement.

Nevertheless, I took the job and was soon preparing myself for the tasks ahead. Agent Mothman gave me the devices I would need. A cloaking suit, items to repair the cloaking suit, a multitude of spying gear, and a month worth supply of food and drink. Yes, a month worth. That was the projected time for my stay on the field. My mission was set, and my research was plentiful: Learn how the Irkens reproduce. I'll spare you the long and excruciating details of how I came to be on the Irken world, so I can give you what I have learned.

Shortly after arriving on the planet, which I had come to know as Vort (the station I was hiding in was actually called Vort 9), I was submerged into their little (and I use that word literally, as a good majority of them were only three feet tall) culture. Coincidentally, the majority of creatures on that planet were not in fact Irkens, but another race I had learned to be called Vortains.

I was extremely lucky, as I had found of pair of Irkens quickly into my stay. (I had found an old supply closet rarely used, and that's where I stayed for my time there.) One was a short Irken, like many of the ones there, with bright red eyes, and zig-zag antennas, which seemed quite uncommon, as he was the only one I've seen with them. The other was a taller one, one of the tallest I've seen on the planet yet. (And she seemed to be the administrator of the facility as well.) Her green eyes almost matched her green skin.

I had followed the two for weeks on end. As much as I have seen, they act romantically as many humans do, which I found to be quite interesting. Similarities between our races, maybe?

They talked a great deal, as for what they said, I'm not completely sure. I had studied the Irken language before I left, but I was hardly fluent in it. And as for what I could tell, these two were some of the smartest beings around. Their vocabulary far exceeded mine. Luckily, however, I was able to pick up on their facial expressions, tone, and movements to piece together what they could possibly be talking about. From what I could tell, much of their flirting was similar to human flirting.

With great luck, I discovered that the two had agreed upon a date after the male, whom I now believe is called Plink, walked into the Female's lab dressed in a style of clothing that easily reminded me of the days of our wasted youth, to be blunt.

It was a month later that I got the chance I had set out for. (At least I believe a month. I have no idea if Vort has the same orbital period as Earth.) About three more dates to be exact. The two I was observing were, what seemed to be, married. (Such an interesting couple, too.)

I must mention that I was rather happy for them. So I thought it be interesting to leave them a small gift in their room. They were most interesting research examples, whether they knew of my presence or not. Hopefully, my little effort will make up for what invasion of privacy I have done to them. Nothing much, just a small MP3 player I had on my person. (The batteries have long since died, and the device was useless to me. I was certain they could figure out how to get it running. And I wasn't wrong in judging their intelligence, as they did indeed get it running, and listened to the many songs I put on there. Breaking Benjamin, Cold, Staind, Hoobastank, just to name a few bands.)

A side note must be mentioned. It's off topic, but interesting. As I mentioned earlier, I had only brought a month worth of food and drink. I was fortunate in that the Vortians lived off of water as well, while the Irkens' did not. As for food, I had to steal rations from the local diner, who seemed to be great friends with the two Irkens I was shadowing. I first tried a small Vortian dish. The taste of it insulted my senses. It reminded me of raw fish, really. The Irken dish wasn't as bad, however. Still tasted nasty, but it was more bearable for me than the other meal. It was really like a sugary paste. Over time, I grew used to it. But back to my research.

It was later that day, when the Vort 9 station was closing up, that I got to observe the mating process. The two, whom I now knew both as Owen and Plink, retired to their room to begin their task. I had secretly positioned myself in a corner of the room, as to avoid bringing attention to myself, since getting found right now would ruin the entire point of my operation.

Now, since I had been shadowing these two for about two months, (again, estimated time) I felt a little attached to them, even though they never knew I was there. And I feel that if I were to describe what they, in particular, did, then I would break even the most sacred of privacy trusts. I just can't do that to them. Instead, I'll put what I have found as anonymous entry.

After observing the mating process, I have learned that the two beings exchange genetic information through a process of Spore Reproduction. This, in my opinion, is quite amazing, as this trait is only found on plants, not animals. The design and appearance of the Irken race is bug-like, but maybe they have plant origins?

Spore Reproduction is a quick reproduction process, which is why plants use it. It's easy and convenient. As for it being with Irkens, it would allow for them to multiply quickly, at least one would think. However, some research on my part has found that it doesn't work that way. The spores released by the Irken male dies quickly in the air, which is why physical contact is needed.

This, one would agree, is an important part. For, if one of these male Irkens were to gather around females at, say, a party, he could pregnant them all in one moment, without their notice or intent. The short spore life within contact of the air helps prevent this. But I do wonder what is in the air that kills the spores so quickly? Had I gotten proper research specimens and equipment, I could have found the answer to this question.

As for the mating process in particular, here is all I have observed and learned: The male and female court each other, (Dating, in simple terms), which leads to marriage, from which they engage in intercourse through a similar yet different method from humans. (Which still astounds me how similar our races are to one another.)

The Irken male, once removing all of his clothes, is bare. No parts at all. However, at the beginning, a small patch of his skin around his crotch very diminutively bulges out, and turns a brown color. (Possibly the equivalent of an erection for human males?) Upon closer inspection, the skin became rough, and developed, though only visible through some of my more advanced equipment, microscopic holes. The true purpose of these acts to release spores, from which the female body receives.

The female, on the other hand, once her clothes were off, had what appeared to be a vagina, although the process of the Irken reproduction doesn't involve the use of this entryway at all. As such, one would assume logically that it is used only during the birthing process.

And while I'm at the point of mentioning the birthing, I'll bring this matter up. Since breasts or nipples were not found on either male or female, it is highly possible that these creatures are not mammals. So their young might come from hard eggs, or some other, unknown method. Unfortunately, as I was not there long enough, I did not get to witness the birth, if it even happened at all.

The male and female would rub, rather than hump, their reproductive spots together, as the male would release his spores, and the female would receive them. I must also note, that this act seemed to cause pleasure between the two, indicating another similarity between Irken and human sex.

As I have noted many times, there are a magnitude of similarities between the Irken and human relationship/intercourse moments. What are the chances that two such races would evolve and develop so closely without ever having contact with one another? The idea that it is possible is astounding. With continued research, I could make discoveries in ways no other being could imagine.

Of course, having spent over two months on this alien facility, I have come to learn a great deal about them, such as their work habits, dietary habits, social structure, language, and other various and miscellaneous information. When the time calls for it, I shall write up additional reports indicating my results, as this one just centers about the requested topic.

-----

AN - Behold, an Irken Reproduction idea. This is the combined ideas of both myself and Half-dude (from DeviantArt) We started talking for a few nights on possible Irken reproduction ideas. Spore Reproduction was the one we liked.

The style I used was greatly influenced by Sway's "Gulliver's Travels" stories, as my English class had just read them. I wanted to have this small research paper in that style.

-------Half-dude's notes------------------

Hey all, this is HD. I just want to say that I fully support this theory and gave Sanoon permission to use my characters. Hope you guys like it.

Invader Zim is owned by Viacom or Jhonen Vasques. One of the two.

However, Owen, Plink, and Zeep are owned by Half-dude.


End file.
